Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018

2017 was literally the best year of my life- and I don't say that lightly. It has taken me a long ass time including 10 years of a miserable grey cloud of depression and anxiety over my head to feel this kind of happiness.

I welcomed the new year in January.. throwing up on the lawn of a house in the Hollywood Hills. LOL. Faith and I decided to spend New Years together in LA (one of our many trips out there) and basically forced ourselves to down shots every night to avoid FOMO and have the best experience we could. On New Years Day, we hiked Runyon overlooking the Hollywood sign and even though I was super hungover hiking that day, the view and the feeling of possibility was incredible.

In February, I actively made it a priority to get my mental health figured out. It took many art projects analyzing the same topics again and again and a friend saying "you're literally having anxiety about having anxiety" for me to realize it's not something I'm going to grow out of. I had been breaking out in hives whenever I was nervous for about 2 years, my voice would shake, I'd feel like I was going to pass out, and my body was reacting in fear. When I finally got a prescription, of course there was a snow storm at UMASS and the bus failed to pick me up...............but I literally ran to the pharmacist because I was so excited to start feeling alive. GOD BLESS PROZAC!

Let's face it- even though March 31st is my birthday, I celebrate all month. My mom knows this, my friends know this.. and for my birthday I got the classic 22 balloons, pink decorations, wore a really good outfit (that Krassi said I looked like a stripper in.. thx), got wasted and threw up, and made a toast to maybe 85% of my closest friends. I felt complete and it felt right to enter a new chapter. It was completely my moment.

In April, I had my thesis show for my studio art degree. WOW- I was actually thinking today about how nothing will compare to the feeling of working on a piece for months, collaborating with your professors, and then being on display in a gallery. That wasn't just a project for me- it was my life. My relationships, my feelings, my perspective.. and I can't thank enough everyone who helped make it happen or came to see it and took the time to read about the relationships so dear to me.

I graduated in May. And then realized I so am not a college person. Seriously, it's a miracle I didn't drop out. I was extremely introverted and confined to my room and I made maybe two or three close friends throughout all 4 years at Umass. I loved my classes and I love art but I felt stuck. I was unable to start my career or move somewhere and I was restless. Every morning I'd message my mom saying I was miserable, because I was.

In June I accidentally stole Faith's neighbor's cat because it was in the middle of the street at night and I thought it was a stray.......... nevertheless we had one great night of snuggles together! June was a transition month. Transitioning from school to what comes next, looking for jobs, asking myself what I want to do with my life. And it was so comforting reaching a new level of closeness with my friends. The kind that tells you it's okay to move across the country because they'll still love you.

July got me a job interview. I flew to LA for the weekend, partied both Friday and Saturday until 5am, then had the interview on Sunday. And I got the job.

In August I moved to LA. It was scary as shit.. but when you've known you were going to do something since you were little you kinda have to do it. I would've felt like wasted potential if I hadn't. It's hard to leave everything you're familiar with and treasure at home thousands of miles away but at home there's nothing that surprises me anymore. I had to rip the bandaid off and just do it.

In September my mom and I did ancestry.com which told us we are Italian and Scandinavian... when I thought I was Native American and German my whole life. Well! That opened a can of worms! Faith also visited for 2 weeks even though I literally hadn't even been gone for a month yet lol

This October was basically a trip on acid. I went to Vegas with my friends, brought home a new kitten, switched airbnbs, Heather came to visit, then my friend Emily Corsaro visited and we went out literally every night for Halloween. AND I started working as an editorial assistant to Lefair Magazine and I can confidently say I love my job and the people I work with. It was nuts and one of the highest highs of my year..

Then came the low. November. It felt like everything working out for me in October literally came to a halt. Any boys I was talking to? Wouldn't text back. That's just a small example. It was so bad I asked my mom why everyone was being mean to me this month. And I wasn't home for Thanksgiving which gave me huge FOMO and I felt super lonely.

December brings us to here! My mom visited the first week in December and helped me move into my new place which I'm obsessed with. Then my friend Molly came to visit from London. Then I went home and had an amazing Christmas.

22 is a weird age. I still feel like I'm young enough to do embarrassing shit like throw up on my birthday but old enough to do whatever the fuck I want because "I'm an adult." In the back of my mind, I always thought "go to college, travel, move, get an amazing job, live it up in my 20's then eventually think about settling down in my 30's." That's the plan but it rarely happens so smoothly like this?! It never surprises me how the energy I put into the world always comes back to me. If you think about your perfect life enough, eventually you get it.

In 2018 I hope to stay on top of my journal, keep putting good vibes into the universe, and hey, some sort of actual love life wouldn't hurt lol. I'm not scared of the new year and it feels right to not only end 2017, but continue on what has been an amazing journey so far.

All my love to whoever read all of this. I hope your New Years Eve is magical.

xx J